There seems to be an underlying assumption in society today that if one possesses a secure financial environment, no ongoing physical ill-health, and an effective social security net, that one would also possess an untroubled mind. We may tell ourselves that because we do not have material problems, we have no right to psychological ones. We mistake privileges we hold for an immunity shield, and when it fails to protect our internal world, we may view that failure as a shameful personal defect.
The meritocratic world we live in is obsessed with optimisation. We are told to optimise our diets, our sleep, our portfolios, and of course, our minds. In this context, anxiety is considered a malfunction of your system rather than a natural, honest echo of being alive and making choices in a complex universe.
The Illusion of the Insulated Soul
Financial security and fulfilment of material needs shift the nature of human problems; it does not ‘solve’ the human condition. In fact, it often strips away the compelling distractions of survival, leaving us face-to-face with the raw, existential anxieties that visit us: meaning, mortality, disconnection, and the paradoxical fear of freedom. There is a distinct affront that belongs exclusively to the otherwise fortunate: the stubborn persistence of internal turbulence feels like an insult to one’s competence. Yet, this creates a cruel, invisible trap. When anxiety, existential dread, or a low mood whose source cannot be easily named comes knocking at the door, they arrive accompanied by a second, uninvited visitor: guilt. Some might look at their bank accounts, achievements, or their beautiful dwellings and ask, "What right do I have to be unhappy?" - But mental health does not obey the laws of economics. The mind remains an intricate, if at times fragile instrument even if we may prefer not to believe it is.
One’s socio-economic and ethnic background may mean that admitting to psychological distress can feel like an act of admitting failure despite the privilege held. In families with inherited advantages, there may be a reluctance to seek help from a mental health professional so as not to fall into the affluent stereotype who moans to their closest over dinner what their ‘therapist says’. On the other hand, in some families of South Asian ethnic origin for example, the question “What will people say?” frames a private mental struggle into a potential liability for the otherwise closely guarded family reputation. In comparison to the struggle previous generations may have experienced to establish the family, it seems ungrateful towards them to admit quite a different set of psychological challenges. The prospect of seeking mental health support can be misconstrued not as a space for healing, but as a western indulgence or a public confession that the family unit is defective. In either of these, or many other cases, it may seem better to carry the mantle with stoic grace, attempting to reinforce the image of being the ‘strong one’. This misplaced belief that resilience to “bear one’s own problems” is preferable to admitting mental weakness by engaging in therapy could make things more difficult. It can effectively prevent the required help from arriving in time – leading to a bigger catastrophe down the line, which could have well been averted.
A Private Sanctuary for the Mind
In reality, for those who take the courageous step, signing up for therapy is not to admit defeat, nor is it to confess a mental frailty that compromises your privilege. Therapy is sometimes wrongly perceived as a mechanics' shop for the high-performing ego. However, it is not another task on a productivity hack, or a tool to fix a ‘broken’ machine so it can return to maximum efficiency. It is the cultivation of a greater capacity for self-awareness and understanding tendencies that make you experience life the way you do, to sit comfortably with the choices we make.
In my therapy practice, you do not need to justify your anxieties by comparing them to others’ problems. In a completely confidential, non-judgmental space, you are finally permitted to lay down the heavy armour of the identity that you may have spent so long defending. We are able to move from the frantic urge to find the quickest "fix" for your challenges, to responding to your reality in a way that facilitates longer-lasting inner contentment.
If you wish to explore a uniquely personalised approach to navigating how the complexities of your inner life turn up in the outer world, I invite you to reach out to schedule a private, foundational conversation.